just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize