3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
