I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
