i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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