You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
