i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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