she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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