I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
