Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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