I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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