did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You made out with two different species that night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize