I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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