I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
