fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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