I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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