u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The air was thick with penises
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
