Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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