"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
