hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
