Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
