3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
