I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
