the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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