you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
