wrigley field is MILF paradise
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
