every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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