The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
