Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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