My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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