I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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