I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
