when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
