I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
