I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I could fuck to npr.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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