Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
