please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
