i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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