the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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