someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
