I will die if light touches me.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
