O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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