and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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