No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
