if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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