im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
