Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
