thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
