he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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