i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
