i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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