When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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