My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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