One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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