Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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