just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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