My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
