You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
