I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
