he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
