I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
two words: eviction party
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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