Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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