i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
