I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Soap is not a condiment
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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