I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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